I’m pulling a Kyle… Here is an email turned into a journal entry

He asked how I was doing. This is my response:

Miserable.

My boyfriend is now my ex… But he wants to be friends. Figures we can be great friends. I don’t see how if I’m causing him stress. He thinks he’s just not ready for that kind of relationship. So once again its broken heart time for me. Maybe I should be straight. I dunno. I’ll give it a try. At this friends thing I mean. He tells me not to think this is forever, that down the road he might want to get back together… But lets be practical can we… That’s a terrible thing for me to do.. Go on with a potentially false hope. And I can’t turn off my feelings any more than I can turn them on. I guess what I don’t grasp is why having me as a “good friend” is easier for him than having me as the loving boyfriend. I mean hell. I’m already his friend, so what does he want me to do, change the way I act, become less supportive and kind? Shit. I get so sick of being dumped and at the same time being told what a wonderful person I am. Obviously I’m not that wonderful. I can’t even keep a man. 😉

Oh well. Love like you’ve never been hurt…

In other fields I’m doing fine. Work is good, not terribly happy with the homefront. I don’t like living with Tracy I think. She’s a nice person and all, but not the brightest and I have yet another animal added to her zoo. I’m so fricking sick of pets I could puke. It’s a cute kitten though. But a boy, so I’m likely to have two damn cats spraying my already destroyed carpet. Its bad enough my boyfriend, er, exboyfriend, doesn’t want to come over because of the stench from the first cat. And now my carpets are turning colors from all the chemicals that have been dumped to try and clean it up.

I’m just sick of it. I think I need to sell the place. Cut my losses, get someplace really cheap to live, and pay off my debt, then save up for a new place. I think I want to leave this place anyway and go to Washington (only because that is where my headquarters is). Chris was going to come with me once we were done with school… But the more I think on it, the more I wonder if I should even bother finishing school here when I can just transfer up to the UOP there. My credits should all transfer within the same institution, right?

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