For those of you who live, or have lived, in the Reno/Sparks area…
Caughlin Ranch Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at Macy’s or
Nordy’s in “The City”. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a
Mercedes SUV, a long-haired forgein dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house.
Available with or without a tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only
in conjunction with the “augmented” version.
Del Monte Ranch
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with a Ford
Windstar minivan and a matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full
time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold
Sun Valley Barbie:
This recently paroled
former “porn actress” Barbie come with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy
with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available after
dark and can only be paid for with cash. Preferably in small, untraceable bills.
Unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking
Wingfield Springs Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes
with your choice of BMW convertable or Volvo wagon. Included are a Starbucks
travel cup, credit cards, French pedicure and exclusive gym membership. Also
available for this set are Real Estate Magnate Ken and Private School Skipper.
You won’t be able to afford any of them.
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes
too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweetey Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a
six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr CD set. She can spit over 5 feet
and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pick-up truck
seperately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely
Incline Village Barbie:
This collagen injected,
rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print bikini, Jimmy Choo slides and drinks
cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at her custom, 12,000 square foot
house. Shallow Ken can be found in the cabana making out with Jail Bait Skipper.
Percocet perscription recommended.
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown
hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white
socks. She prefers that you call her “Willow”. She does not want or need a Ken
doll, but if you purchase two North Tahoe Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon,
you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker free.
Wells Ave/Neil Road
This Barbie now comes with a stoller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a GED and a bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his ’79 Caddy were
available but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant
Spanish Springs Barbie:
With frosted blonde
hair and a French manicure, she thinks she’s perfect in every way. We don’t know
who Ken is because he’s always away riding his ATV’s or
San Francisco Barbie/Ken:
This versatil doll can
be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the
multiple “snap-on” parts.