One day my last dog will die and I’ll know that I’m too old to see another through to the rainbow bridge; and then what?
There is a certain ridiculousness in judging a deity on human terms. Whatever their nature (and if they exist they would have one) something that is all powerful and all knowing, even if only within their own domain, has an existence quite alien from mine. I doubt I could conceive it. I’m limited by human perception. That’s just the nature and price of being a human being. I accept that.
I would expect such a being would laugh at this and if as benevolent as we are told to believe, provide answers that satisfy.
However I don’t believe in this god. For all the reasons Stephen Fry lists and many more along those same lines. If that kind of god really did exist and created all this, than it was foolish to give humanity a sense of judgement that would view it as a maniac and anything but benevolent. Maybe it’s the Cylon in me talking, but it seems just to rise against such a creator.
So no. I do not surrender my sovereignty to such a being. There are other notions of god I find more acceptable and am more willing to entertain. But for all practical purposes of day-to-day living I’m just going to stick to venerating nature. It’s beautiful and ugly and full of much wonder and much horror. The only things in this great big universe deserving of my bent knee do not demand such of me.
I will die free, or not at all.
So the test flight isn’t really going anywhere, except further out than we’ve sent any spacecraft intended to carry human life in several decades.
Understanding is deeper than knowledge
One can be knowledgeable and yet remain shallow in thought.
“It was the year of fire,”
“the year of destruction,”
“the year we took back what was ours.”
“It was the year of rebirth,”
“the year of great sadness,”
“the year of pain,”
“and the year of joy.”
“It was a new age.”
“It was the end of history.”
“It was the year that everything changed.”
It was the seventeenth of May and I was minding my own business when I noticed a little Chihuahua on the drive-way camera. The lighting being what it was, I thought I was just looking at a silhouette of Cha Cha. So, concerned she had gotten out into the front yard I threw on some more appropriate outside attire to retrieve her.
Except in so doing, she poked her head around the corner, revealing she was indeed inside the house as I had thought she was.
But, I decided to go out anyway and say hi to our visitor. By this point he was on his way out of my yard and on to the next. He seemed friendly, coming up to me when I called him over. I let him sniff my hand and he let me pet him for a few seconds before resuming his exploration. I heard my neighbor building something next door, and knowing they had at least one little dog, wandered over to ask if the little guy I had just met was his. He told me no, and not seeing anyone else around he might have wandered off from, decided to put him in my back yard.
Little black dogs shouldn’t be out in the street. Cars and all.
I grabbed the camera, went out back and took a few pictures of him, which I then forwarded on to the local animal control along with a found dog report. Authorities notified, I set to making a found dog poster to print out and put up around the neighborhood.
I figured I’d have his owners located within the day. But alas, no call. For the next two days I kept checking with animal control for any missing pet reports that fit his description, also with no results.
So I start concluding that maybe he got loose from the motel up the street here and his people weren’t actually my neighbors. So I’d have to take some additional measures. Since micro-chipping of pets is common enough, I took him down to an animal hospital to have him scanned for one.
Here’s where the story morphs from a routine found-dog-trying-to-be-reunited-with-his-owners to the slightly-bizarre.
Shortly before leaving to do this, Gabe and I had been chatting. He had been with us for a couple days now and we still didn’t know what to call him. He threw out a couple of ideas, but he has this under-bite thing going and I say “He looks like an Elvis.”
So we’re in the lobby of the animal hospital waiting for a good fifteen minutes for them to come tell us if he had a chip or not. Finally they emerge and one of them hands the dog to Gabe saying “We’re going to give Elvis back to you…”
Gabe and I look at each other. We never mentioned any guessed names we had come up with, or anything to identify him by name for that matter. Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks of the King when I see that under-bite.
“There’s some confusion.” they tell us, and then proceed to explain the conversation they just had. He does have a chip, but its not registered with the service. So they had to get ahold of the animal shelter who did have a record of it, from when they adopted him out. So they call the people of record, only to find out they had given him away to another family some six months ago. They try getting in touch with the girl they gave him too, but no response.
I’m put on the phone with what would now be the owners prior to the owners I’m looking for. We talk a minute, they’re at their son’s graduation dinner, but tell me about how they gave him away and had been getting frequent updates on him up until a month or so before, and then haven’t heard anything back from the girl. Said they’d text her again and see if she answered. Otherwise, they’d get in touch with me after the dinner to come pick him up.
So a bit later in the evening they call again and I’m trying to get them my address and ask what Elvis’ story is. They are Chihuahua rescuers that do what they can to put them into homes so they aren’t euthanized. Elvis was one such rescue, but they decided they’d give him a home. Unfortunately he is a very playful little guy and their other dogs are more lethargic. They felt he wasn’t getting the kind of interaction he needed from the pack and might be happier in a home with more active dogs. So they found him one. Now they’re second guessing that decision as ‘obviously she let him get loose’ and ‘we haven’t heard from her in a couple of months and she’s not answering our messages that he’s been located.’
Discussion continues around what his fate is. It’s a mutual feeling we don’t want him winding up in the pound again. They’re quite willing to take him home, but if I want to give him a try and see how he adjusts to my dogs, they’re okay with that and if for any reason it doesn’t work out, I just call and they come get him and take him back home.
So now I have four dogs. He’s getting on well enough with the rest of the pack I know they’ll all integrate just fine and I won’t need to be making any calls. So I go and register his chip to my name, because now his owner of record has given him to me.
Then he escapes my yard, finding a hole in the fences that actually both my existing little ones could have exploited but apparently have not. I find him walking down the street and retrieve him. I note where the hole is and make a temporary patch until Gabe can get home and figure out a more permanent solution. (I leave most of that to him since he’s far more adept with power tools than I.) Meanwhile, I’m actively monitoring all potty-excursions to the yard.
Gabe gets home from work and I tell him what happened and he goes out and makes a fix. We let Elvis out and I watch him closely. He runs right to where the hole was now whenever he goes out, so I know he’s trying to get out. (Most likely wants to go home, I figure, but we don’t know where that is and I don’t want him getting hurt looking.)
While observing it I conclude he could jump over the board, but hasn’t yet realized it. So I tell Gabe we need a do-over on that repair. He’s in the middle of his next project so will get to that shortly. Meanwhile I need to start dinner.
So I’m doing that and Gabe is going in and out of the garage a lot. And not being mindful of the dogs going out with him. I, however, am and after retrieving Elvis three or four times in the middle of cooking go tell Gabe to be more careful as we’re both distracted and not watching closely enough… and Elvis can get out. (In one of those retrievals it was discovered he realized he could get over our barrier and sure enough, he did.)
Sadly my instruction didn’t work out. Elvis slipped out back again, and then out front, and by the time I noticed he was gone.
Gabe and I take off exploring the neighborhood looking, fruitlessly. Little guy is now missing again. We figure he found his way home, as there wasn’t enough time for him to have gotten very far, and with no trace of him… he either found his home, or another person didn’t want him getting hit by a car and did the same thing I did, take him in to find his people.
After a sleepless night worrying about him, the next morning I get up and tour the neighborhood again looking for him. Then I go home and make up some more posters, this time about a missing dog, and go out and plaster the neighborhood with them.
I’m pretty upset by now and worried sick about this little dog I just met a few days ago. We bonded pretty quick.
Finally a get a phone call from an unrecognized number. Which I answer and it’s a lady telling me that that dog I’m looking for, it’s hers. She goes on to explain how he was stolen from her yard (but then mentions she has six kids), and that some red truck apparently slowed down next to their house the previous evening and released him in front of her kids… thus getting him to his house.
Yeah, this is where we go from slightly-bizarre to bizarre. Some random red truck dropping a dog off for kids. “They must have recognized him and knew where he lived.” I said. She dismissed that notion as they has just moved here and didn’t know anyone.
Whatever I think. At this point I’m experiencing several emotions. I’m disappointed he’s not coming back to my home. I’m relieved he’s safe. I’m happy he has been reunited with familiar faces. Yet I’m also kind of pissed off because I know this lady was just bull-shitting in her story, and felt she was accusing me of stealing her dog.
I call BS because I too was talking with animal control on a daily basis, even after I was given him by the previous owners (who, being the owner on record associated to the permanent ID be who the State of Nevada would decree is the owner… so at this point he is legally mine… not that I really want to take anyone’s dog from them.) If she had been calling them every day like she claims, that first call would have had animal control taking a missing dog report, which I would have seen.
Never mind that due to a glitch in their online software there are actually three entries in their database for him being found. Two of which have pictures.
So I’m not buying that aspect of the story, and if you have six kids, I find it far more likely he snuck out with all the traffic in and out of the gate on their yard. Plus, once I figured out the house he lived at, was even more annoyed because I know for a fact my “I found a dog in my yard” poster was put up on the street light directly across the street from them. Why didn’t anyone come looking for him?
I decide to just let it rest and get over it. He’s where he wants to be and after I walked by to go retrieve my ‘lost dog’ posters, got to see him and confirm he really was okay. Not that I was all that happy with what I saw. He was outside on a hot day and with little shade and no water around I could see. Still he was clearly healthy and well cared for when he arrived in my world, so I figured they took better care of him than that moment implied. Besides, I felt I was getting a bit judgmental because I was sad he wasn’t coming home to me.
A week goes by and I get another call saying she had seen a lost dog poster and it was her dog I was looking for. Now we’re crossing into bizzaro world. After some precision questioning I figure out she is the ‘daughter’ of the lady I spoke to previously and the one that had actually been given Elvis by the previous owners (associated to the chip). So I explain again what actually transpired, why he was in my care, and why I was looking for him. I also reiterate I’m just glad he got back to his people.
Still, my mind keeps telling me this isn’t over. As you may recall, I have his chip in my name now. I’m still unsure what to do about it. In my mind, I’ve now shown a higher degree of ownership and responsibility for a dog that wasn’t mine to begin with, when they have not. Gabe figures he just gets loose a lot and they stopped being concerned about it. The whole ‘he was stolen’ thing is just a cover story for when people start asking questions.
Great, I think. He’ll get out, get hurt, get help and I’ll be the one called to come pay for his repairs. A bridge to cross when we get to it. I mentioned three times in the conversation with the ‘mother’ that he had a chip registered to the wrong people. She didn’t seem all that inclined to care about that detail. I call the previous owners I had spoken too and give them the update. Not sure yet who would get that call as animal control has one set of owners and the HomeAgain service has me. Just in case they should get a call if he gets out again. She’s very appreciative of me taking the time to do that.
So as the days pass I make my peace with it all and am carrying on with the three dogs I have.
Then memorial day hits and I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I don’t get it out in time but it’s a missed call from “Elvis’ People.” Then I note another missed call from them an hour earlier. Great, I’m thinking, he’s out and about again. But that first call had a voicemail, so I listen to that and now it’s a guy. The dad I assume, or at least the mom’s boyfriend. “We have to give up Elvis and you’re the first person that came to mind.”
So I call to see what’s up and get this story about how they have to move and can’t keep him and if I want him, it’ll just be a $40 re-homing fee.
Gabe thinks I’m being scammed for money and I’m inclined to agree, but at forty dollars, I think that’s a small price to pay to ensure Elvis has a good home and won’t be bounced around anymore.
So I go to the ATM, get the money, and then go get Elvis. I feel pretty good no one can challenge my ownership now. His permanent ID says he’s mine and the only party that could contest it is sold him to me. (Probably should have gotten a receipt, but I did some homework on how Nevada handles pet ownership and having permanent ID with my name associated to it protects my interests quite well.)
And that is the story of how I met Elvis, and added him to my pack.
Although as my neighbors I frequently am passing their house and they don’t seem to be moving at all. Which makes me wonder now why they really gave him up. I really hope he wasn’t sold for drug money. I don’t want to be a party to that. There were also kids involved and its sucky enough I’m the guy that came to take their dog away from them… they were old enough to grasp it all, but still obviously sad. Even ran into the guy at the gas station the other day.
To further the oddities of this story… the house Elvis came from is the same crap-hole house that Gabe and I seriously contemplated buying as a fixer-upper for ourselves. We ultimately opted against it due to this massive pit in the back yard that someone had been a swimming pool at some point. Ultimately we decided we’d be getting to far in over our heads with that place.
All in all, after a story like this, its difficult to not conclude it’s the Force’s way of making what needs to happen happen. While I didn’t really need/want another dog, I’m quite attached to the little guy. Now to teach him Dog 101 – how to sit, lay down, etc.
It’s kind of neat… the space shuttle Enterprise gets to fly one last time… on Monday April 23rd.
Gabe and I spent last weekend installing the intercom system in our house. In addition we added a few additional components to the alarm system that we didn’t install originally.
Most of the weekend was spent pulling wires and such. Yesterday we did the final pieces to power the system up. I got to wire my first keypad into the system. A lot easier to work with than PC-innards, I’ve decided.
Space Shuttle Discovery took its final flight today on its way to becoming an artifact at the Smithsonian’s National Air & Space museum. Kind of wish I had been in Washington DC to see its fly-over.
In other news, SpaceX has announced a launch date for April 30th for its next Dragon capsule. If the mission is successful this will be the first visit to the International Space Station by a private space-craft. This is a big deal for the future of America’s space program, as commercial operators will be responsible for getting supplies (and quite possibly crew) to and from things like the space station.
It was a week ago today that I had to make that very tough decision. Sunny was not doing well. It had been several days since I had seen him eat anything (and months since I had seen him eat more than a few small bites). He wasn’t drinking as much water as in the previous days.
His was time was coming.
What did it for me was walking into the bedroom and finding him on the floor. Gabe and I had just been having another shouting match on the phone. So I was rather angered, but that all turned to dispair when I saw him. He had obviously fallen off the bed and was laying on the floor a bit twisted up. I honestly thought I was going to pick up a corpse…that it had happened and he was gone. I literally jumped when he moved. I got him all righted and took him out to the living room where he could have a comfortable place to lay without having to get up and down off furniture.
That had been our fear, that he’d fall and hurt himself and at that point would be suffering in pain.
I broke down again. Got ahold of Gabe, told him what was up. Told him I thought it was time to make the call. He told me to go ahead with it.
I procrastinated for several hours. Logically I knew it was the right thing to do. But my heart didn’t want to lose him. Felt selfish for wanting to keep him around when he clearly had a low quality of life with no chance of improvement. Felt selfish for wanting to give him peace, because I kept having that thought of “I” don’t want to see him like this anymore.
But it was the right thing to do. Gabe finally prodded me into action and I scheduled the euthanasia for that evening. While I was waiting to hear back on confrimation, I took Sunny outside to lay in the sun for the last time. While we were out there he started having some problems. Wanted to walk somewhere, but couldn’t lift himself. I helped and we made it a few feet. Then he laid back down. I picked him up and held him for a bit. Was going to bring him back inside where it was warmer. His back arched and he pee’d on me. Then was having difficult breathing again like when I got him straightened out from his fall.
Gabe came home and Sunny’s breathing got better. At that point I had confirmation. Sunny only had a few more hours with us.
HIs dad held him the whole time. Those were the hardest hours… knowing that each tick of the clock meant it was that much closer to having our kitty forcibly put to death. I don’t want to use euphemisms here. I scheduled his death and it was a very difficult thing to put myself through, even knowing it was the best thing I could do for him. I don’t like having that kind of power over something. But I know it’s a situation I’m going to face again… at least three more times in my life.
The sick feeling in my stomach when the vet’s van pulled up is something I won’t soon forget. The couple hours spent petting the cat and watching the clock did not prepare me for the inevitable consequence of my decision.
She was here, and Sunny would not be much longer. Props to the vet though. She was very kind and thorough. Gave me a hug when I offered my hand to shake.
The rest went pretty routine. She explained what to expect, what she was gonna do, and gave us a few moments to prepare. Then came the injections and Sunny finally didn’t have to be trapped in a failing body.
Today is the first day I’ve cried about it since we buried him. I find myself avoiding my own back yard. Everytime I look out the window I find myself looking for him. I want the trees and plants to mourn is absence, but nature isn’t like that. The backyard goes on unphased, but the cat that ruled over it is no more.
I miss him. I hate my back yard for not sharing that sentiment… ridiculous as that is.