Only a week…

 

It was a week ago today that I had to make that very tough decision.    Sunny was not doing well.   It had been several days since I had seen him eat anything (and months since I had seen him eat more than a few small bites).    He wasn’t drinking as much water as in the previous days.

His was time was coming.

What did it for me was walking into the bedroom and finding him on the floor.   Gabe and I had just been having another shouting match on the phone.   So I was rather angered, but that all turned to dispair when I saw him.    He had obviously fallen off the bed and was laying on the floor a bit twisted up.     I honestly thought I was going to pick up a corpse…that it had happened and he was gone.    I literally jumped when he moved.    I got him all righted and took him out to the living room where he could have a comfortable place to lay without having to get up and down off furniture.

That had been our fear, that he’d fall and hurt himself and at that point would be suffering in pain.

I broke down again.   Got ahold of Gabe, told him what was up.   Told him I thought it was time to make the call.   He told me to go ahead with it.

I procrastinated for several hours.   Logically I knew it was the right thing to do.   But my heart didn’t want to lose him.    Felt selfish for wanting to keep him around when he clearly had a low quality of life with no chance of improvement.  Felt selfish for wanting to give him peace, because I kept having that thought of “I” don’t want to see him like this anymore.

But it was the right thing to do.   Gabe finally prodded me into action and I scheduled the euthanasia for that evening.   While I was waiting to hear back on confrimation, I took Sunny outside to lay in the sun for the last time.    While we were out there he started having some problems.   Wanted to walk somewhere, but couldn’t lift himself.  I helped and we made it a few feet.   Then he laid back down.  I picked him up and held him for a bit.   Was going to bring him back inside where it was warmer.    His back arched and he pee’d on me.   Then was having difficult breathing again like when I got him straightened out from his fall.

Gabe came home and Sunny’s breathing got better.   At that point I had confirmation.  Sunny only had a few more hours with us.

HIs dad held him the whole time.     Those were the hardest hours… knowing that each tick of the clock meant it was that much closer to having our kitty forcibly put to death.    I don’t want to use euphemisms here.  I scheduled his death and it was a very difficult thing to put myself through, even knowing it was the best thing I could do for him.   I don’t like having that kind of power over something.    But I know it’s a situation I’m going to face again… at least three more times in my life.

The sick feeling in my stomach when the vet’s van pulled up is something I won’t soon forget.   The couple hours spent petting the cat and watching the clock did not prepare me for the inevitable consequence of my decision.

She was here, and Sunny would not be much longer.      Props to the vet though.  She was very kind and thorough.    Gave me a hug when I offered my hand to shake.

The rest went pretty routine.  She explained what to expect, what she was gonna do, and gave us a few moments to prepare.   Then came the injections and Sunny finally didn’t have to be trapped in a failing body.

 

Today is the first day I’ve cried about it since we buried him.    I find myself avoiding my own back yard.   Everytime I look out the window I find myself looking for him.    I want the trees and plants to mourn is absence, but nature isn’t like that.    The backyard goes on unphased, but the cat that ruled over it is no more.

I miss him.    I hate my back yard for not sharing that sentiment… ridiculous as that is.

Rest in Peace

 

We laid our Sunny to rest today, alongside his sister Cher.      Always have him in our hearts.   It was a beautiful day today… the perfect day for him.

I’ll miss my little buddy.   

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Sunny the Cat

November 1999 ~ February 23, 2012

Sunny and the Case of my Alleged Twin

 

Don’t ask me how… but Sunny is still alive.    The cat hasn’t eaten anything (to my knowledge) in over a week now.    Still drinking water.     I don’t think he’s pee’d in the last two days though, so that’s not good.

Somehow… he persists.    Toughest cat I think I’ve ever known.     Unfortunately his body continues to fail him despite his perserverance.     He’s been having a real hard time moving around the past couple of days as well.

So far, he seems relatively comfortable though.    I don’t imagine he feels all that good, but he isn’t showing any signs of pain or anything.      Still, I sense his time grows ever shorter.    I’m just glad I have the opportunity to be with him during the day and not having to leave him alone while both his ‘people’ hide out in an office.   Working from home is a significant advantage I’m grateful to have the option of.

 

 

I have received yet another report that someone encountered my twin.    Now, for the record, I don’t have a twin brother.    Though the frequency of which I’m told someone saw him is starting to make me wonder.     Parental units?   Anything you want to tell me?

This has been ongoing for years.     I think the first instance was in an airport with my brother who, while walking with me to a gate, spotted someone sporting striking resemblance to me boarding a different plane.     Apparently in an outfit similar to stuff I wore at the time as well, furthering this theory of me having a twin.

I was approached in a Shop-Ko once, when we still had those, by someone who thought I was my brother.    He and I do look a lot a like, so its easy enough for people to mistake us if they don’t encounter us regularly.    But that’s different from what other people have been telling me.

There is a guy, apparently in Carson City (or at least a frequent visitor down that way) that apparently looks just like me… as I’m either asked if I was out and about in Carson City or just told outright “I just saw your twin!”   (such as the text message from my friend Zach yesterday evening).

I really want to meet this guy and see for myself.    

One day at a time…

These are rather dark times for the House of Burks.    On the other hand, every day I wake up and find Sunny lounging about is a gift.   I remind myself that many cats his age spend much of their time asleep, even in good health.

Since we had such a beautiful day yesterday we took him out in the backyard for a bit to enjoy the sun and fresh air.    He hung out on his favorite tree stump for awhile, ate some grass, and even sharpened his claws on said-tree-stump before settling down on the grass for a brief nap in the sun.    I wish today wasn’t snowy and overcast, so he could spend a little more time out there.   We’ll have good weather again for him though.

I wish it were under better circumstances, but going through the same thing as we are, has allowed G and I to make a little progress on sorting things out between us as well.    I feel that wall between us starting to come down via our shared grief.    I feel so terrible for him.   His buddy, Sunny, has been a bit of a rock for him over the years and now he’s slowly slipping away.

Got some info on mobile vetrinary services, and should it come to it… Sunny will transition peacefully to the summerlands here at home.   From there, he will be taken to an undisclosed location to be laid to rest alongside his sister, Cher.

Tough day…

 

I think I have shed more tears in the past 24-odd hours than I have in the entire first decade of the twenty-first century.

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Sunny, our cat, is dying.   Complications from early in his life, coupled with well-meaning neighbors, have ultimately cut his life a few years shorter.    His kidney’s are shutting down.   It’s progressed far enough that his red-blood cell counts are low.   His body isn’t filtering out toxins well enough and they are building up in him.

How much time he has is anyone’s guess.   He’s a fighter, so I expect he’ll stick it out.   That prognosis from earlier in his life basically stated that if his food couldn’t be controlled, meaning the junk cat food most people feed their animals, than due to the damage his kidney’s suffered he wouldn’t live more than a few years.

Well he has certainly defied those odds.  He’s twelve years old today, possibly thirteen (assuming the one document I have suggesting his age is accurate).   Not quite as old as I’d hope he’d be, unfortunately.   Nevertheless, I can take comfort in the knowledge that he’s not in any pain.   He’s tired.  He’s weak.   He’s still full of love and affection.

So we’ll keep him comfortable.  We’ll keep him safe.   We’ll love him right up until the end.

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My very own lion king

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Sunny asleep in his realm.  He’s fully transitioned himself into outside cat for the summer.  He only comes in to demand that i serve his meals out on the linai.  🙂