Well, I’ve never played it, so I doubt it really relates, but I go for titles like that.
I think I’m feeling angry today. I don’t know how else to describe my state of mind. Frustrated maybe, but I don’t know that that is an actual feeling.
My most recent annoyance is about the sudden mandate that we all use up our PTO (paid-time-off) before the end of the year. Basically we, as in the company’s leadership, hasn’t met its obligations to its shareholders, are facing some temporary (or so we’re told) fiscal challenges and needs to reduce its salary output for a few months to make up for it.
Basically I feel like the leadership here completely failed in their responsibilities and want to make that my problem. Its not that i’m even directly impacted. I’m suspect it took some threats to make happen, but at least we get to carry over 40 hours into the new year… but not a second more. So basically our cap has been reduced for this year. Makes me wonder if it’ll be the case next year too. I use my time regularly so I’m not sitting on a huge PTO stock-pile and will easily roll into the new year under my new cap.
The problem is all those people with lots of time on the books have to take it…which just puts more burden on us who are left manning the ship. My department would have a very difficult time of it anyway. We’re already not adequately resourced, so ensuring that mandated vacations are done such as to preserve operational coverage is kind of a non-starter. Even when everyone is in the office, we lack adequate operational coverage. Unfortunately we have people who can’t take more than a day or two off at a time simply because there is critical work that goes undone as a result. (I’m one of those people and I stress out in my off-time about what I’ll face when I return… and the really sad part is I inevitably come back to problems that my team really should have been able to handle without me but, for whatever reason, need me to hold their hand to get through.) Yes, we need to do better at getting everyone cross-trained… but again, we’re already understaffed and by the time we feel we have our coverage trained to handle things, it’ll be the new year.
The rest of the year is just going to be more stressful at work. I’m starting to really hate my job. Not so much the work I do, or the people I work with, but what is increasingly seeming like gross-mismanagement. (I have to wonder when what seems like half your workforce is a ‘manager’ or above… that’s probably an exaggeration but we are very much a top-heavy company… maybe we should hold off on executizing our vice presidents—since that just means we gave them a big raise for them to continue doing the same job, whilst frontline employees can’t even get the full 1% of their raise due to some arcane prorating thing they tried to explain to me and failed to articulate with any sense.)
I’ve said it before, in feedback to leadership, that working here is a situation where the left hand of the company doesn’t know what the right hand is doing—except its worse because the left hand doesn’t even have a clear picture of what its own fingers are up to.
So I guess I’m going back to job hunting.
Unfortunately I was angry before this policy change was actually articulated such that we knew what they hell they were talking about. My colleague raised another point. Companies pull this kind of thing and then start lay-offs as soon as the new calendar year rolls around and they don’t have to pay out all that untaken vacation with the pink slip.
They’ve already crammed us from two floors into one. Its a nanny-state around here as it was, and that only made it worse, now that EVERYONE sits in the middle of the call-center. Gotta keep the noise down. Which i get, but we no longer have spaces conducive to the kinds of conversations we (who are not chained to our telephones) need to have to conduct our day-to-day operations. Of course the irony that our VP of facilities wants to keep the place professional and presentable to our clients isn’t lost on me with all the clip-art heavy, be-my-mother notes plastered all over the place telling me to exercise the common sense I spent thirty years honing to super-human (by comparison, seemingly) levels. I mean really. Until recently every door had a sign demanding that it be shut slowly and not left to slam. As we were in an all-hands site meeting discussing the impending consolidation it was stressed that that would be all the more important as those of us on the second floor got used to dealing with working around people on the phone. I looked at the VP of Facilities and pointedly suggested employing a clever piece of inexpensive technology, called a door-closer, that could take the human out of that equation.
I think that whole exchange is pretty darn telling.
But that’s just what’s new (since I got to work) that’s bugging me. I was angry when I woke up this morning. I suppose some of that could be lingering annoyance from work yesterday, but I usually get over that kind of thing pretty quick when I get home. Leia’s good for making me smile.
(Leia, eagerly awaiting me to pick her up so she can lick my nose.)
Note to gift-givers (but more likely for my future self): I do need a new camera, but I want the one that deals with Leia’s green-eye problem…. “Red-eye” is worse for pets than people.
I think maybe part of it is resentment over some exciting new developments in my future home life that I’m still processing. Well, hopefully they’re exciting. I have misgivings, but only because it parallels something that happened before that I thought was good at the time and learned the hard way was one of the stupidest decisions of my life.
Although the plan of action actually addresses some of those lessons-learned-in-hind-sight and this should at least work out better than last time (or at least blow up in my face in a new, never-before-tried way).
Well technically I’m not doing anything but probably moving (again) at the end of the year. The boyfriend, however, will be entering into something a lot more obligating. I’ll just be along for the ride. It does affect me in profound ways but in the end I still have the ‘this just isn’t working’ option to extricate myself from a bad situation (I’m trying not to be a pessimist but I know that sometimes bad stuff does happen despite the best of intentions.) Him, not so much.
Anyway, cryptic enough for you? I’ll probably write more about it when things are more definitive and I’ve better processed my feelings on it. Its one of those things that’s a really good opportunity for my man, and by extension me, but mostly him and I’m at the same time happy for him, and by extension us, but also concerned. I probably should have slept on it for a week before indicating my willingness to go along…
Actually I’m all for it, i’m just not sure I’m personally ready for it, and all its implications, quite yet. But I have some time to get ready.
That’s probably what’s bugging me the most. In a way I feel coerced into something but at the same time see the value in it. If not for me, than for the one I love, and that’s something that I know is important to me.